Sometimes life deals us a weird hand that were completely not expecting. It can change our world entirely, sometimes for the better, and sometimes in a not so great way. As I lot of you know I have been struggling to roll with the punches over the last couple of years when I was thrown a curve-ball in my career that rocked not only my income but my whole life, including how I viewed myself.
As someone who has always had a fairly consistent vision of what I want my life to look like spending my 25th, 26th and 27th years in a roller-coaster of bad luck, and what I am referring to as my quarter life crisis, was not part of my plan and really did a number on me. Even though I initially decided to blog full time in 2011, after 2 years of consistent posting, my posts actually became further and further apart to the point where I would go months at a time without touching base and then apologizing for it later. Looking back on it I know that it was a big part of my bipolar disorder and high anxiety level that stopped me in my tracks and caused me to revert into a little shell followed by the guilt of my absences pushing me away even further. It all came to a head in 2013 and I realized that I needed help and in a big way in order to get my life and myself back. I was lucky enough to have a very strong support system with my family who weren’t afraid to give it to me straight and pushed me to get the help I needed.
After finally getting diagnosed for my mental and emotional instabilities I found that I was starting to feel like my old self again for the most part, but finding a career path and deciding how involved I wanted to be with the blog world was still a big web of uncertainty. After spending almost 3 years unemployed aside from part time and contract work here and there my confidence in my abilities was low and I couldn’t imagine trying to empower others through my site and social media when I couldn’t get my own life under control. Needless to say I have now taken the time necessary to work my way out of the hole I dug myself into, have found a new career that I absolutely LOVE and feel my passion for empowering others is enriched by, and am ready to talk about where I want to go from here. I have tossed around the idea of throwing in the towel completely and shutting down my almost 5 year old blog simply to release myself from the guilt and anxiety it has created for me, but instead decided I am finally at a place where I can conquer those feelings and move things in a direction that frees me from the past shoulda coulda wouldas but still allows me to be part of this world and have you all as a part of my life. I’m not going anywhere but I do want to handle blogging differently.
Apologizes don’t matter at this point, and I’m not going to commit to a big plan of action. Being the control freak that I am it is very difficult for me to stay away from structure, plans and schedules but those are the types of stressors I don’t want to affect me. I need this to be a much more casual experience and need to go back to the basics and considering my blog a hobby instead of a business and have fun with it again. No comparing myself to others no checking the numbers. So I guess that’s the plan, I am going to work on posting and not hiding from my blog and will be here when it feels right, while covering what is important to me in that moment. This is still a plus size focused space, will still be about my life, and will still include fashion whenever the mood strikes, but also a lot more that I have learned In my journey and am still learning now. It should be a fun ride and I am ready to get to know you all again!
Here’s to a brighter future on Stiletto Siren and the next chapter of my life. More to come soon!