Side Note: I have had a lot of caffeine this morning, am running on a shitty night of sleep, am feeling particularly foul-mouthed and rambly. This could be interesting!
Once upon a time there were two frienemies who we shopping…
BitchyBitchBitch: Oh My God, I am so fat. I can’t believe I’m wearing a size 4!
Me: (while pulling on size 24 jeans) You’re a fucking whore.
And their friendship was never the same again. The End.
Ok so, seriously every fat girl has had that friend at one point, the one who is completely harmful to our self-love and body acceptance. The one who claims that “she really wants to lose 5lbs” when she’s already falling under 100. Then she looks at you like she’s waiting for you to say “Omg, you are so not fat you look great, it’s me who is the fat ass, I would give anything to look like you”. This is where BitchyBitchBitch ends the conversation leaving her feeling better about herself by putting you down. She is a toxic friend bitch. Ok maybe not all of our “not so good for us friends” are this extreme. Maybe they are the friend that constantly is shoving healthy eating and excercise in your face because “she cares about your health”, or maybe she is always trying to pull you on whatever dieting bandwagon she happens to be driving at the moment. This friend could possibly be another fattie who puts themself down constantly and makes you question your own self-worth. Or maybe is just someone who puts out a negative energy about anything and everything you do, who you are, and how you look. Why the fuck are you friends with this person?
Part of loving ourselves and accepting ourselves as fat and fabulous, as smart and funny, and everything AWESOME is surrounding ourselves with friends who feel the same way about us. I don’t know about you but I love when my friends love me as much as I love myself LOVE LOVE LOVE, love is all you need. What’s even better is when those great friends see more good things in me then even I see in myself, and even better than that is when they can see all those things in themselves as well! Now that is friend nirvana.
Now in this day and age with so much self loathing going around,the critical nature of humans, and the almost always brutal media in play friendship nirvana like I described above is a bit harder to find. But you know what makes it even harder to find? When you are settling for friends like BitchyBitchBitch and blocking out your chances of finding the most awesome pal ever who will serisouly be the Mac to Your Cheese. So whats a better idea to keep you loving yourself, and to give you a chance to find miss or mr. Mac? Weed out your toxic friends and start fresh with some like-minded and positive people who make you feel as fabulous as we all know you are!
Kicking toxic friends to the curb is a fine art and can be done in many ways…
There is the blunt approach which is a favorite of mine, but hey I’m loud and brash and really lack tact in life in general. Basically the blunt approach calls for a “You are killing my positivity buzz, peace out”.
Then there is the phase out approach which is just more of separating yourself from that person gradually until that toxic friend is just another number in your cell phone.
Some of you may want to change the friendship, and give it a second chance in a less toxic manner. The best you can do with this one is to lay it all on the table and let this friend know that their actions hurt you, or make you feel negative about yourself. That their words, actions, overall bitchery doesn’t flow with your life plan of self-love and it either needs to change or maybe the friendship will have to end.
Whichever way you do this just make sure that you are leading with your heart and that anything that hurts that heart is harmful to your self-worth.
Now for a little personal experience reflection. I was friends with StupidGirl (serisouly not the brightest crayon in the box) for a lot of my late teen years. She was very superficial, based everything on appearance and was also very controlling. She had the upper hand in our relationship (which is so not my style) and would put me down to bring herself up at every chance she got. She was constantly bringing up issues about weight and size, mine specifically, and one of her favorite things to say was “Hot guys don’t dat fat girls” (maybe instead of StupidGirl we will call her AssholeLady) which we all know isn’t true because I dated some smokin guys and girls over the years. Needless to say this girl obviously had her own issues, was a bit of jerk, and while I did try to preach a bit of self love into her she just wasn’t budging and I had to kick her to the curb. When I stopped being friends with AssholeLady I had to find a bit a of a new circle and I was lucky enough to meet some of the most kick ass chicks I have ever known in the process. TheGetItGirls as I will call them were amazing, and I owe some really great times to them and their fierce attitudes that made me always feel glam and fab and like I could take on the world. They were always upping my self-esteem and I did so for them in return. We would hit the town and would get tons of positive attention, would always land whoever we wanted for a hot date and its was because of the positivity we projected, and the amount of fun we had! Gotta love the TheGetItGirls for helping realize what friend Nirvana could be like and how toxic friends were unnecessary in life.
Here are a couple photos of me with TheGetItGirls
Take sometime to evaluate your friendships, how they make you feel and if they are good for your heart. Pounce any negativity in your life and keep the friends that love you just as you are as you fab self. It will bring you more fun in your life in your friendships and will be good for your complexion, happiness always is.